Red Dirt Farm and Studio

Perhaps you shouldn’t read this post if you have a delicate disposition.

It has been a bit since I posted.

I had surgery last week, and I’ve been recuperating.

For awhile, I’ve been silently struggling with a scary fear that had/has a tight grip around my whole being.  Cancer is not a disease my family is afflicted with.  Nope, we are of the heart disease/high blood pressure/diabetic line.

So not for a minute did I ever really worry that cancer was something I had to worry about.

Silly girl.

 It was so easy to lull myself into a false sense of well-being.

Then I started feeling a little off and started having some – gynecological issues. My husband says I am about as stubborn as they come and that I don’t always do what is the best thing for myself. Humph.  Not this time.  This time I listened to what my body was saying and I got myself to the doctor right away.

 I trust and believe in my doctor of over 25 years.

Over the past few months I’ve had several doctor visits, tests, procedures and finally surgery.  The surgery went well and I am on the road to recovery. However,  I am not out of the woods yet, the next few days are still long and difficult waiting for the latest pathology report to come back.  I feel pretty confident for good positive news.

 There I go again luring myself into a happy place of non-believing.

Occasionally I allow my mind to wander into a dark place.

 I have also wallowed in a little self-pity too because I’ve kept this private and didn’t share what was going on with family and friends.

 So there were no calls, no one to say – hey how are you doing?

Thank goodness for my husband and my dad – they have and always will be my rocks.

Last week I shared with my old blogging buddies that I was having some issues.  I’m not sure why.  Why is it easier for me to share this personal thing over the impersonal internet with folks I’ve never even met?

Why am I sharing this now?

I’m trying to trust the process.

I’m trying to believe there is a reason for all this.

I’m trying to remember to embrace the little things that matter so much.

And to laugh.

Laugh with me, won’t you.

If for a moment you think your job sucks – ponder this as I did.

 I woke up from surgery wearing disposable underwear and enough padding to sink a ship.

 Where did that come from?

Bless that person(s) it had to be a two person job – I mean really  – to put underwear on an unconscious bleeding fat lady.

 Now there is a job you can keep.

 But I thank you  – whoever you are.

I’ll be back to posting pretty pictures and nice words soon.

See you later, Bye!

Kim